haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
