People in love make me want to vomit
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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