I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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