sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
