I didn't shave. On purpose
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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