I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
