Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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