Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
