you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
