Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Pooping to opera.
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