I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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