the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
