I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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