I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
