On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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