none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
