you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
