broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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