Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
