I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize