I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
