I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
