this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
