We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
