So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
