every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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