"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
