So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
