so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
