HIV tests are more positive than that guy
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
