did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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