If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
