if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
