It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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