I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
