I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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