in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
