It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
