Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
