I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
