so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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