pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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