Duck Duck Cougar?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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