Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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