So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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