Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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