omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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