Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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