Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
