Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
