Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize