Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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