There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
