Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
two words...techno handjob
We are two peas in an std pod
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize