..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
