I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
