Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
