I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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