I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
