I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize