85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
