Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
