i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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