Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I need water and some morals
Randomize
