I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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