You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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