wakey wakey hands off snakey
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
