The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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