Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
